when an ex reaches out after years

You dont need to reply if you dont want to (things could get out of hand). You and your ex may not be friends on social media, but theyve managed to gain access to your page, and they know all about the wonderful life youre living without them. We dont often think about emotional labor as work, but it IS indeed work. In todays article, well discuss why an ex would contact you years after the breakup and how to respond to specific reach outs. Its almost like youve been waiting for me. The humiliation I felt after that made sure I never texted her back again, Aaron, a construction manager, shares with us. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. And for people who arent just trying to cushion the blow while their ex is weeping in front of them, it can be really tough to say no to an ex who reaches out in a friendly way. Anger is an emotion that people are often uncomfortable with. The phrase that "there is safety in numbers refers to our primal need to belong to a tribe of kinpeople and extended kinfictive kin is a word that is used by some groups to describe the close friends who serve in the roles of aunties, uncles, grandparents, etc., even without a blood or legal tie. He has to now find a job in stead. I'd be more likely to reach out to his wife and apologize for not seeing sooner how hurt she was, and that I was being selfish (I was, entirely). QueasyAllday 1 yr. ago ouch TX_Farmer I sent an ex a sincere apology letter. They didnt expect you to be this chirpy so soon. Dont go looking for closure when an ex contacts you years later, moved on and found happiness all over again, 9 Reasons You Miss Your Ex And 5 Things You Can Do About It, 15 Clever Ways to Turn Down An Ex Who Wants To Be Friends, 51 Non-Cliched Second Date Ideas That Will Lead To A Third, 18 Things To Say To Reassure Your Boyfriend About Your Relationship, 13 Encouraging Early Signs Of A Good Relationship, Dating An Overthinker: 15 Tips To Make It Successful, Telepathy In Love 14 Undeniable Signs You Have Telepathic Connection With Your Partner, 25 Ways To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl, The 7 Phases Of Dating You Go Through Before Youre Officially A Couple, 17 Effective Ways To Make A Long-Distance Relationship Work, 21 Zoom Date Ideas You And Your SO Will Love, 150 Truth Or Drink Questions: Swirl Some Fun, Sizzle, Kinks, And Romance, How To Make A Girl Think About You 18 Tricks That Always Work, 55+ Flirty First Date Questions | Jaw-Dropping List of 2023, Are You Scared To Be In A Relationship? ETA: He's the one who dumped me. That's an interesting angle I did not consider, I'm glad it helped! Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. I wished him well too. On the other hand, if theyre calling because they want to get back together, youll need to think carefully about that. He ended up forgiving me and it was a wonderful feeling, to not have to carry around that burden anymore. Throw out an invitation to hang out in a super low-key environment. It was important and felt good. It was like a weight lifted. Maybe theyve spent the past couple of years thinking about how perfect you were together and that they havent had a better relationship since. She didnt have the basic courtesy to offer me an explanation, says Elena, To this day, I wonder what went wrong in our perfectly happy relationship that she had to back off like that! What does it mean when an ex contacts you years later? Its been quite some time since she was a stepmom to your kids, so theres probably no need to message her now. It's a long story. Whats sad is during a 2.5 year separation period I had no idea how she felt. When a toxic and/or abusive ex-partner reaches out or asks to stay friends, they're most likely looking to ensnare you back into the unhealthy dynamic that made the relationship lethal in the first place. I haven't reached out because I think he's married. If your ex just suffers and impulsively runs back to you, your ex might not reflect long enough to discover your worth. Keep up with Elizabeth on Twitter and attracttheone.com. But if youve received an adequate amount of closure after breaking up with them and actually have been able to move on, it could be easier to respond or even ignore the text. There may be many reasons when an ex contacts you years later or out of the blue. I sent an ex a sincere apology letter. I was tired of her treating me badly subtly, so I unfriended, deleted, and we stopped talking a few months. He didn't know where I moved to. He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. If the person ghosted you leaving you in dire need of closure, you might feel tempted to respond to their message. Turns out she was in a 12 step program and got to the step where she was supposed to make up with those she'd done wrong in the past. Its difficult to find someone who accepts you the way you are. Of course, as a dumpee, you might not have to stay your exs backup plan forever. Youll have to settle for way less than that. Sometimes, I want to reply but my partner is visibly upset about it, so I havent so far. Its not that people want their ex to suffer, per se, its that they may feel a sick ego boost when comparing their progress after your breakup to their own. I dont know many adults in choir so I knew it would be best to stay in contact with them. Your ex could just come back to patch his or her wounds and take you for granted again. People are not static, and friendships that cant shift and grow as people do just cant endure. :). I did the same thing with my ex - apologized for my abusive behavior toward him in the past and made it clear I wasn't looking for anything else from him. Tell them that your ex is trying to reach you. Exes dont always want to get back together after reaching out. We suggested you to not reply too soon when exes come back after no contact. Truth be told, seeing your ex gallivanting around happily after your breakup isnt what anyone wants. I think it is best I keep my distance to avoid stirring the pot. Theres no doubt you had mind-blowing sex with your ex, but that was all there was to the relationship. ), I reached out 1-2 weeks ago (2-years later), got no response. She is remarried and I do not want to interrupt that but I never had a chance to thank her for being such a great step mom to my children even after we were not in contact. I confirmed that I had actually found out I was pregnant with his child shortly after we broke up but I didnt abort it. Youve probably told your partner all about your ex, and why you broke up. Society typically tells us that people don't change. 1. However, if youre thinking about getting back with your ex, you must decide wisely. Strangely, I am going through health issues and was quite surprised about his message. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? I'll respond when she texts but it's usually something really superficial and she doesn't make an effort to continue a conversation anymore. Just a comment on the "closure" part of Your post: no you don't. Youve both moved on, got a new partner, and were happy, so whats the motive? One such conundrum hits us when our exes come back after no contact and we are clueless about how to respond. When you reach out to a former friend from a place of support and no expectations others than to share a moment of connection, it can leave a lasting feeling of positive connection and appreciation for that persons having been there earlier in your life and when you reached back out in this period of uncertainty. Youll probably experience a flood of emotions when you get that message, so getting an objective opinion will help you look at things from a different perspective and make the right decision. Takeaway I imagine he just wants to check up. I'd suspected he had too. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) There are several reasons why exs reach out years later, including they are just checking up on you, they want to offer a sincere apology, or they are jealous of your happiness. 1. You are following it religiously cutting off all contact with your ex. After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. When were facing something scary, we do like to hear about people whove survived a similar threat or something even worse. He also had trust issues before we got together. He'd tried to reach out to me a couple times after the break-up. His entire purpose was to find out truth from me. Life can be so cruel at times as she was the love of my life and my heart never let me forget her. Besides, you have no way of knowing whether your ex will be forthcoming and candid in their response. I had an ex find me 12 years after we broke up and reached out to me. I know it can feel tempting to converse with your ex and convince your ex youve changed, matured, and become a better version of yourself, but thats not why exes reach out after years. Ex Reached Out After No Contact. I understand someone might just want a quick chat. I (M32) am having trouble with my ex (F30) as she keeps trying to contact me years after we broke up. . It really depends on a number of circumstances such as the cause of your breakup, whether your ex has moved on completely or not, if your ex hates you or has no bad feelings towards you. Whats going on? It felt good verifying that intuition. They do whatever it takes to reconnect with an ex because their ex can make them feel better. Im not talking about questions about your exs life, but rather about his or her reasons for reaching out. When were young, we think we know it all and even if we were more timid or reserved, most of our teen-aged selves had a set of friends who got us, even if we were still figuring out who we were. Loneliness will cause us to scroll through our phones and contact people we wouldnt normally. Remember, when an ex contacts you, you need to be answerable to yourself first. No one says you need to entertain them. Yeah - no. I had blocked her and all her family on social media so no one could know what I was up to and I could just disappear. With the help of consultant psychologist Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), who is a gender and relationship management expert, lets figure out what you can do to cope with this mysterious text your ex has sent. Here are ten reasons why exes reach out years later. Exes might get back together if the reasoning for a breakup was mutual or based on uncontrollable life circumstances. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. However, the primary reason the no contact rule works is that you're not supposed to respond to your ex. Unfortunately her apology still seemed to blame a heap of her guilt on me. It is entirely up to you to respond or not. As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are.

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