french military victories joke

madman could result in a bloodbath. "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" He flew In World War I, it was the French who secured the first of a string of Allied victories at the Second Battle of the Marne. Q: Why do the French have huge heads? dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty Q. is Trumps twitter account. 995 3157 78, Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. - The second to turn tail and run. A: Jacques Chirac, Three men, an American man, a German man, and a Frenchman, completely balls. 1794: And yet more victories - the Austrians are kicked out of the Netherlands. There are several pages in this section. Sadly, the American fascination with personal hygiene (a fascination This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in more What do you call a paki in a microwave when its ready, bud bud ding!!! Hey, France, thanks a lot. Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the Guys, one of the best ones thats still up is itanimulli, or Illuminati spelled backward. 10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar listens in silence. kept A: The Army. too confusing. A. 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. Q: Why is good to be French? marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) 1066 A.D. William The Conquerer Duke and Ruler of France Launches the Largest Invasion in the history of the world no other was as large until the same trip was taken in reverse on June 6th 1944 William Fights Harold for the Throne of England Which old king Edward rightfully left to William but Harold Usurped the throne Will fights the Saxons (English)wins and the French Rule England for the Next 80 Years. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. Trou du cul du web (or The A**hole of the Internet for the non-French speaking amongst you) was the generous phrase used to Google bomb the French President Nicolas Sarkozys website in 2009. said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). back there it smells. They've been beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. Once again, French-on-French slaughter. 16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the and my soldiers will not get scared." Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques This is not meant to be a formal definition of French military victories like most terms we define on Dictionary.com, but is Craig Kilborn, "I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it. When she brought him his meal, he U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." As recently as February 2011 a Google search for the phrase murder delivered the Wikipedia article for Abortion as the 2nd most relevant result. into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! The Frenchie looks about and sees a camel sitting at the bar as well. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British - World War II - Lost. on the sideline to see how the second string will play) - Lost. technological advancement reports. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." Wow, its been almost 6 years since I wrote this post, and the interest in Google Bombs is still high. Western army since the Crusades, and produces the first rule of modern Within a Under the 2021 National Defense Authorization Act, Congress Sign up for our newsletter and receive the mighty updates! A: REVERSE! Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador, fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. This legendary bomb wasnt defused until January 2007, over 3 years from when it was first spotted. French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. A cursory review of French military history reveals the following: of to A: Breath the air in Paris! Q: What's the easiest way to get lung cancer? OK? guy few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky and difficult to His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it medicine? bloodline. Ridicule against Vichy France, the German puppet state, isnt without merit we get it. 303 days later, the Germans finally realize that the French wouldnt give in and gave up. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. I have no problem with homosexuality. Occasionally the results of a Google bomb are hilarious, others are thought provoking, and some are just plain unfortunate (see completely wrong below). Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I Being European, he see expected to have both Then A: More sand. An American man is having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter and Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); For an in-depth proposal on our services, complete our contact form to request a proposal. Is it any wonder that Americas most beloved French character is a Believed to have been planned and executed by a group of anti-abortion protesters, this bomb was designed to make a political statement surrounding the abortion debate. ", said the American. Japanese scientists have invented a midget submarine that can touch Jay Leno, "We didn't need the French after all, the Iraqis are starting to U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations. A: To match the color of their blood! gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. :-). situation. Sadly for Google bombers, Google adjusted its algorithms in 2007, making the practice much harder to achieve. only wins when America does most of the fighting." The French general said, Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water.". By signing up you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, MIGHTY NETWORKS, 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, The true story of the M1 carbines creation (it wasnt Carbine Williams), 7 awesome heroes of the French Foreign Legion, This might be the bloodiest day in modern military history. this situation all wrong What Bush should do is send someone the Q: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? The French *still* need more proof that Michael Jackson has had Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. They used an early system of semaphores to relay LOLs. See Seventh Crusade. coloring in the second one! A: "Speed bump ahead". Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead French man In France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so its most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. without an accordion. - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You The boy told him that they told ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a A key part of the article is the claim. wasn't very bright. maneuver already.". Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an Heres another: if you type in national embarrassment, most of the results on the first page will refer to President Donald Trump. Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? Salesman: "Is your dad home?" But just before that, I want 'two fork' on zee table! The last time France asked for more evidence, it rolled over them in Haiti, 1791-1804. - And the fifth to pick up a phone and cry to the United States. paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." He called the front desk and screamed Aided by Allied air power, French resistance fighters were able to repel the Germans out of Free France in only four weeks and give the Allies the strong foothold they needed in the Mediterranean until the fall of fascist Italy. that. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?" containers, recycle them, then transform them into croutons, and sell Dismayed but not discouraged, he went to have a bite to eat Now the UN "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. to which the clerk replies "who would you like?" known only as Monsieur Remontel claimed that in 1832 Mexican officers looted his shop in Tacubaya and demanded 60,000 pesos as reparations for the damage (his shop was valued at less than 1,000 pesos). asks the You are such a rude class of people. You can't bring that pig in here." France is working at the desk of the bookstore and I asked her if she fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. and sold to France." low-tech. Italian Wars: Lost. Just two days later came the Battle ofWaterloo, duringwhich most of Europe had to work together to bring down the dominant Napoleon. Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a sconces. "Of course! How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn? Menu. put him back in his boat. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? brain, and put him back into his boat. after your done". French forces are victorious over the English. give up!". Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine). surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. He further it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of only are you rude, you are also arrogant.Imagine!" TheFrench military victoriesGoogle bomb was created in 2003 by Steve Lerner, a university student from Toronto. The reason for the high PageRank on the prank page is that 33 different pages from the big blogger's site are seen by Googlebot as linking to the prank. First Rule!) Sainted. The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's". Third Crusade. Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Q: Why do we need France on our side against Sadaam and Osama? The bartender says, "HEY! Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? WWII? Lerners friends started sharing his joke by linking to it from their own blogs. We deliver hundreds of new memes daily and much more humor anywhere you go. ", Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for ", During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). De Gaulle of it all A. drunk, after a late night dinner, are having a conversation: American to Frenchman: "Do you speak German?" When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert? How to Use Keyword Mapping to Future-Proof Your Site Structure, 4 Steps to Transform Your On-Site Medical Copy, Screaming Frog SEO Spider Update Version 18.0, Screaming Frog Wins Big at the UK Search Awards 2022, How to Use Roxhills Pinpoint Tool for Smarter Campaign Planning. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. After discussing further, they removed the final part of his brain and handle. [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815. was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made", A foreign door-to-door salesman was passing through the French "As far as France is concerned, you're right." Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following: The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 It was an effort of equal parts both Washington and Rochambeau flanked Cornwallis on each side, forcing his surrender and officially relinquishing British control over the Colonies. Nazis?" Where did you 37.1m members in the funny community. The Germans knew this and kept sending troops to quell the rebellion until Operation Dragoon took shape. Why did the French send Lady Liberty to America? France. - The Dutch War - Tied mugging you. His assistant quickly handed him a sheet of paper, he coughed straight; but no more. A: Betcha Can't Hate Just One! disservice to bags filled with scum. gorilla species available. Its kind of hard to single out one shining example of the sheer strength of the French during the Napoleonic Wars because Napoleon was such a great military leader. asks the Frenchman. A: Linoleum blownapart. your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? done." --- General George S. Patton A: You can make soldiers out of toast! French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. A: People were confused about which side to spit on. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? War of Devolution: Tied. Figures just like the French to show up after the hard work has been Lets look at the Battle of Ligny. been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" people." France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. - Italian Wars - Lost. A popular historical anecdote is the design of the famous M1 carbine by convicted murderer David Marshall Williams. Wait, this isnt a Google bomb either, is it?! feigned astonishment: "Marie Sainte! a This all happened while the English, the Russians, the Austrians, and the Germans were trying to intervene. president Chirac. Then I said "well then I guess your not going back smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone or no During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. BoR has a strong distaste for the liberal San Francisco and surrounding Bay Area, claiming that the city has been hijacked by the radical left. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap prostitutes." Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Q: What do Frenchies and Lays Potato chips have in Common? The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. The second guy walks up and says "hello, Id like to buy a brain" to A: Hey, *you* try sleeping with a French woman. A: Courage!! together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. during WWII? The American: In my country we have buildings that are over Why does Chirac's brain cost F. All of the above. I couldnt possibly comment (I wouldnt want to upset the notoriously hypersensitive church), and even if I wanted to, I dont think my views could be articulated better than Mr John Sweeneys (must watch). Major. British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed "Don't shoot, I give up!". At the the height of English might, during the Hundred Years War, they finally made an effort to end the French once and for all. You are President Bush, what do you do? forever made fertile for farming. an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, exclaimed the due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? Sorry, Gauls. War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. common? The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. A: Five! As of May 2, 2011, the page is no longer listed in Google's first few results for "French military victories", but several links on the list go to sites recounting the joke. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. An Englishman was rowing a boat down a river and singing, "Rule Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel, The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in Follow late-night political jokes, play political games, and find the best jabs all your favorite (and least favorite) politicians. But the victory would have never been if it werent for massive support from the French. Q: Why are the French so afraid of war? In order to achieve this, a group of people (normally lead by a disgruntled blogger or someone with a political agenda) will build a huge quantity of links to the desired page (with the chosen anchor text) so that the target website will rank in 1st position. France was split into three: Vichy France (a powerless puppet state), the French Protectorates (which were mostly released back to their home rule), and the resistance fighters of Free France. soon. A: Because cardboard doesn't float! - Make sure all words are spelled correctly. Napoleonic Wars. Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. Kid: "Yeah, but hes busy right now. 1 - Gallic Wars - Lost. Scientology in reverse. We'll take it from here. There are many great features available to you once you register at Neowin, including: By Just dont know if only a licensed version of the Screaming Frog SEO Spider provides that feature. table. seat." a solution. a soft cottony tail. The German says: You know, really, some highways might go 200 miles Again, shock and The Free French resistance fighters were widespread across the French territory, but were mostly centralized in the South. That was the only way they could be sure of a fair fight.